Day 97 of 365: just for me.

I’ve had an item on my to-do list for months.

Paint a painting, just for me.

The rules around it are that I CANNOT SELL THE PAINTING.

I’ve done this thing in the past where I’d paint something for myself, and it’d be awesome, and I’d share it on the internets, and people would want to buy it, and I’d sell it.

But I realized… If I was to take my relationship with myself and project it onto a hypothetical relationship between me and another person.

And I was like, “HEY. I painted this for you. JUST FOR YOU!” And gave it to other person.

And they were all, YAY I LOVE IT I FEEL SO SPECIAL.

And then I was like, “Hey someone else wants to give me money for this soooo…”

OUCH, RIGHT?

It’s interesting to look at relationship with self like that.

So… Today… I painted something just for me. I’m not going to share pictures of it online (because why would I? That’s like doing a romantic or kind thing for someone and then sharing it on social media for added attention. Naw. I need more intimacy than that.) (Jentimacy.)… And I’m not going to sell it.

And it feels very special to me.

I felt resistance around it at first. And then I felt called to google certain things to try and mimic other paintings I could find.

Ultimately, I put the phone aside, listened to music I loved, and painted a soul painting for myself.

And it rocks. I love it.

It feels vulnerable, honestly. Like someone has surprised me with a very thoughtful gift.

What ways have you gifted yourself lately? It’s a challenge for me, so I of course want to challenge you. 🙂

~J

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Some days, I paint. Other days, I write. And rap. And tell stories. And do comedy. And doodle. And [attempt to] bake. And, one week out of every month, I merge with my sofa and sob about mortality and things like the existence of air and how we can't live without it and how utterly claustrophobic that is to consider. I'm relatively particular. And this is a place for me to share ALL the quirks.

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